OMG SECRET COUSIN

Richard. He's cool.

Oh, and Mary's getting married tomorrow...

What?

In which I Pahk The Cah In The Hahvahd Yahd (Boston)

I'm on the way back from my Boston trip with Ezra, which was fun as hell.

We got on the MegaBus Thursday night and drove for four hours (I slept and watched The Office).

At about 11pm, we got in and took a cab to Warren Towers, where Ezra's brother Maurice dormed. We met everyone on the floor briefly and played Super Smash Brothers (There was a LOT of that) before we decided to get some sleep in anticipation of what Friday held for us.

We woke up bright and early (10 am) and walked down to Newbury, where I bought records and Japanese candy. Very interesting: a "bubble-tea" flavor of Hi-Chew (EDIT: The actual name of the candy is Puccho, which is Very similar to Hi-Chew) that tasted like a delicious vanilla milkshake with weird sourish chunks and orange orbs floating around. Picked up Sufjan's Illinois(e) and, regrettably, did not pick up a collaboration between Efterklang and the Danish National Chamber Orchestra which looked pretty awesome. I also bought a Melody Horn (Melodica), so we should start working on our "Streets of Fire" cover for the talent show, Josh!

I stopped by the Massachusetts College of Art and Design for a tour, which really opened my eyes. It was a beautiful school, where essentially everything I have ever dreamed of creating was on display. One project required the production of a poster to advertise a single release from a band. The example I saw brilliantly captured "We Own The Sky" by M83. Person I don't know who designed this: YOU ARE TALENTED.

Once Shabbos started, we went to the Hillel House for Ma'ariv and dinner (Thai Peanut pasta for me, which was splendid). It was Maurice's birthday, but he was feeling pretty sick so Ezra and I strolled the peaceful and beautiful streets of Boston. When we got home, a few kids from the floor were hanging out in the Common room, so we joined them and ended up cracking wise and talking until about 3 AM.

Saturday was fun. We headed to the cafeteria and got some food, then we ventured out with Maurice (who was feeling better) for a walk around Boston. He showed us the campus in detail, and we got a feel of how great of a college city Boston truly was. After the walk, we stopped home and hung out. After shabbat, some more Smash Brothers was played, and we headed out on the town.

We traveled to Harvard Square in Cambridge, which was absolutely beautiful. We grabbed amazing pizza, then headed to a stand-up comedy club situated on top of a chinese restaurant. The performers there were really funny. One guy in particular, Danny Morsel, played this ridiculous "combat dancer" who almost literally brought the house down. After two hours of great comedy, we headed to J.P. Licks, where I got "El Diablo" ice cream (Chocolate, Cinnamon, Cayenne). We headed back home, played a bit more Smash, then hung out in the common room and talked about religion and shit until about 4 AM. 

There's definitely a lot I left out, but that was my trip in a nutshell. Ask me if you'd like specific details.

Oh, and the trip was amazing, in case you wanted my opinion. Wish I could go back...

My first Slam.

I went back to Loser Slam this week (instead of YMD, which I think i'm done with.... but that's another post.

'Rabbit Habits' was playing in the background so that was fun. The regulars read, and then this group called theUnreal completely blew my shit. They took everything I knew about poetry, chopped and screwed it and managed to keep my attention for the better part of an hour.

I read a piece (my first @ Loser Slam!) that I composed literally 3 minutes before reading...

here it is:

I don't really regret much Except for eating hi-chew Tasting of melons At 4 in the morning Waiting for bagels And talking of torture With a good friend in a car that wasn't mine One thing I never understood Was the urge to create situations That weren't good So you could escape from a prior commitment But you don't fool me With your personality disorder And you should see The fool you've made of everyone involved You probably don't remember me But astoundingly, you do And I can or cannot understand We met at the Show I was just a sweaty fan But you looked at me in this evil way That I just couldn't shake And the way you began to sashay Strangely began to make Me Crumble inside and the piercings you sported shimmered in the strobes You were the kind of girl who skippped the earlobes Straight through the cartilage and deep inside my heart. You pierced me. Line sinker hook like an open book Or a torn page crumpled and shoved up the nearest sinus cavity causing me to sink into depravity that I won't have and he's not good enough for you but what can I do next to you three; us and the wall makes my skin want to crawl into a hole and live next to a stained glass window that we looked into when we were kids thinking about what shitty adults you'd grow up to be. You weren't a fireman. You sit behind a desk in a cubicle in a nondescript failing kidney so just skin me and hang me over the fire but glue some horns on so I have kitsch appeal for the Norman Rockwell meal that's painted onto my stomach and won't wash off in the shower after I scrub to the bone for a quarter of an hour. I want to sit without being deciphered like a cartographer's henchmen (bad choice of sweater). Stop fucking enjoying my company can't you see that complimenting me like the politicians you see on TV telling what you can and cannot do... For the hell of it I'll say kazoo and now I'm through with putting up with you. You fucking whore.

Please take me back in the pouring rain on Philips beach. The perfect moment, just missing a component.

So fun to read. Even better watching others read. Definitely going to do it again.

So Fucked Up

My new review - one I think is my finest to date - is up on Groovemine (direct link here).

But don't bother clicking the direct link, because my review is on the front page!

FYI, it's a review of the Fucked Up show I attended Thursday at Brooklyn Masonic Temple, a show that will or will not make Grandpa proud.

Also, I'm going to Boston with Ezra next Thursday night to check out BU. Cool.

*SORDO UPDATE*

"Falling into better hands"

I'm getting my car today.

i enjoy records

I've started a new blog. What?

Yeah. No, that doesn't mean I'll be updating this one even less (well, it might. but the fact that I might update less won't be related to the new blog). It just means I have a new place to detail my collection and talk about new releases that I'm excited about. Will also probably include hi-res scans, info, samples of music, etc etc.

Nothing's up yet, but check back soon...

ienjoyrecords.blogspot.com

Dragonslayer

The new album by Susnet Rubdown was reviewed by yours truly. It's up right now over at Groovemine. Check it.

Next up?

A review of East of Eden by Taken By Trees.

-----------------

I saw Where The Wild Things are. Depressing. The soundtrack is a whole 'nother story. Listen to it.

And Emily, would it kill you to write out the word "see" instead of using the letter C?

Zombieland!

... was awesome.

It all started when Rahmey called me up, asking if I wanted to go see a movie. God bless him, for if he hadn't called I would be asleep right now. Anyway, he has the Optimum Rewards card which gets you free movies on Tuesdays at Clearview movie theaters. Like Middlebrook. Which sucks.

So we stocked up on snacks at 7-11 and went to redeem our free ticketage, when suddenly a tall man with keys around his neck stopped us.

"Gentlemen, I'm sorry but there is absolutely no outside food allowed in the theater," he said, gesturing towards a sign posted on the door. We grumbled and walked back to the car... where I found a roll of tape.

We spent the next 15 minutes hiding our food in strategic places on our bodies (notably taping Wasabi rice crackers to the inside of Rahmey's hoodie and taping a can of Arizona to my inner thigh). We waltzed in, no questions asked, darted to the theater, and began peeling foodstuffs.

Suddenly, Mrs. Contreras (an ex-Hillel teacher) walks in, and she told us how this was her second time seeing the movie because of how awesome it was.

The movie blew my mind. I didn't walk in with low expectations, or for that matter any expectations at all. But from the first sentence out of Jesse Eisenberg's (a more confident Michael Cera) mouth, I knew I was in for a good time.

1.5 hours of merciless zombie killing and brilliant humor, only accentuated by the cast (Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, the gorgeous Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin) and the sheer enjoyment of watching them all try to survive, trash gift shops and backstab each other, along with a very awesome cameo appearance by a certain someone (I won't spoil it for you).

Ask Rahmey if you don't believe me; Without exaggeration, I literally sat there wriggling with excitement, laughing my ass off and clapping my hands with glee for over an hour of the film. It was a feel-good movie set in the apocalypse if that makes any sense. And it made me feel good.

Without hesitation, I can say that this makes the list of my favorite movies of all time. Yes, it is that good. Do yourself a favor. Go see Zombieland.

Adam

is becoming a favorite person of mine at an astounding rate. He's very comfortable with himself, and is not like the majority of the fools in his grade. Adam is the kind of person who will be doing something he loves with his life in ten years, and not marrying the first attractive SY he sees and buying an apartment in Porto Vita.

We hung out on the beach last night, got 4 o' clock bagels, etc etc.

Good stuff.

Noury got a record player, meaning he is now a vinyl addict like myself. Cool, cool.

Did not play Halo last night.

Drumroll Please......

Drtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Pish!

The awesome folks over at Groovemine.com are the undisputed masters of all that is eclectic, eccentric,  odd, out of print, or any other anomalies pertaining to music. And they are letting me write reviews for their website?

Could this be any more awesome?

My first ever published review, for the album Riceboy Sleeps.

Enjoy.

In Which I Detail My Incurable Addiction To Xbox Live

I finally found a way to wirelessly play on Xbox Live. So for the past few days (Sukkot Vacation) i have been spending A LOT of time playing. Last night? Adam Cain, Isaac (Jack) Beyda and I created a board in Halo 3 where fusion coils constantly rained from the sky, and we laughed and sent each other's characters flying through debris-filled warehouses for the better part of 5 hours. Productive? Maybe. Fun? Absolutely.

God, Xbox is AWESOME. Speaking of which, I'm going to go play right now.

(oh and I saw Toy Story 1 & 2 back to back in 3D tonight with Roslyn. Brought back a lot of fond memories, as well as a few jokes I didn't quite pick up on the first time around.)

Warm Tape.

I recently got a request to divulge some information.

Namely, the Warm Tape thing. Where did it come from? What is the point of it? Were you the one writing it everywhere?

Here are some answers:

1. Warm Tape is a song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Chili Peppers were one of my first obsessions; at one point, my computer contained just about every studio recording they had ever made (and then some). It was at this point, through this song, on an airplane that I had my life-changing epiphany. Right as the slow-burning verse turned into the jangly chorus, the sun poked out behind the clouds. It was awe inspiring, and to me it seemed perfect. The fact that music could bring about the emotions relative to a sunburst was just... unheard of. Anything I had done until that point (video games, mainly) could not replicate the intense love of music that split-second sun peeking through the clouds had brought me. I had found a new love. A new obsession. A new way of life. And that was music. I had a feeling prior to this that music would be my passion (I played guitar, listened to a few other bands, etc.) but this was the arguable point of no return.

2. The point? It had a point back in 9th grade, when I would effortlessly pimp out the blog to nobody in particular, because anyone who guessed the association was promptly told that their guess was incorrect. It was my public secret. My trademark. My name spelled out in the sand with urine. A childlike territory marker. But those days are done. No longer do I scribble and encircle these words. Because I have found a medium. I write because I love to write, and I also love to be read. The mark? Simply confusing. Who knows? I may bring it back some day, but I chose to retire it for the time being.

3. I would love a fanbase. But that's something I want to come naturally, not for me to stick in people's faces. For those of you who have discovered the blog, and are either regular readers or plan to become regulars, consider yourselves special. These crunchy little word-nuggets are crafted for you in addition to being crafted for me. Enjoy them, utilize them, comment on them (this is my lifeblood! comments = fans = inspiration = motivation to post on a daily basis). But that DOES NOT mean that I necessarily want you to be directing web traffic to my humble domain. Do that at your own discretion.

I hope that this has cleared the air significantly.

9.28.09

Damn, I've got court tomorrow morning. For a car crash.

And I was in shul all day today. Horrible. Thank god it's over.

I've been skimming through Slushies & Cigarettes for a brief period tonight. God damn. How can anyone be so morbidly bleak? I realize that it's the trend to act like nobody gives a shit about you and all, but...

Wasn't this the same kid we jammed with in the back of the store two summers ago, always with an unrelenting grin on his face and a tie-dye shirt on his torso? The one who hung out with me by the kiosk on the 4th of July because he realized that I would have gone insane without the compassion and witticisms of another human being? And I love the kid to death, just... He might just be getting worked up over nothing.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

In other news,

My extracurricular list just got much shinier.

I'm reviewing music. First review? Riceboy Sleeps by Jónsi and Alex. Should be fun.

9.27.09

Got Pavement tickets in the mail. 

I never thought this day would come.

9.25.09

YMD is actually working out. I never thought I'd see the day. Plus, there's a small freshie collective that looks up to me in the same way I looked up to Mike back in my freshman year, which is flattering and weird at the same time.

Tonight, I constructed an impromptu rave in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot by buying glowsticks at 7-11 and blasting Holy Fuck from the car. Was very enjoyable for all parties involved.

After that, Rebecca and I met Ikey and Alex at Inkwell for some tea and a conversation about spoons (don't ask).

iPod thing is finally (again, but this time for real) being installed on Tuesday; gotta start making a few playlists for the hell of it.

9.23.09

I saw Islands last night at Asbury Lanes. They put on a great show, and for a tiny crowd (about 60 people!). More indie bands need to play Asbury Lanes IMO.

My car is considered a hazard by the DMV since the door only opens from the outside. I've gotta get that fixed. Also, my iPod installation was pushed back a week. Damn it! I want to conveniently listen to music in my car already!

As of now? I'm craving nigiri from Wegman's. As always. That stuff is like crack.

9.21.09

Pavement in a year.

Whoo.

I am not looking forward to the Day of Kipper, aptly named because everyone's breath smells like dead fish on that horrid, horrid day.

But after that... Sukkot! And visiting Rebecca all the way in WTF, NJ. And not having school. Temporarily.

School is killing me. I need to leave. Like, now. But I'm not there now. I need to leave tomorrow. Possibly in a grand escape with flash pots. 

...Yeah.

Cap'n Crunch... With P-Nut Butter

Is what I'm eating. 

Just finished up holiday guzz by Josh's house. A glass table broke, which was funn. Then we played Settlers of Canaan. Sounds like a shitty Roleplaying game, but is actually awesomely challenging (especially since I have yet to win a game).

In music news...

PAVEMENT! REUNION!!! GRAHAGAHAGAHGAHAHAGHG!!!!!! I bought tickets to the September 21, 2010 (yes, that's over a year away) show, and I can't wait. Bringing josh.

oh, and I'm back from ATP! Which I shall document when I have the time to. And i want to make it a mega-post (hyperlinks and all) so i'll wait until my disposable camera from ATP gets developed so i can scan those pics in.

Also, I WANT OWLS VINYL.

The International Tweexcore Underground (Show Review)

Sammy and I drove into Brooklyn after work to go see Los Campesinos! live. I was about to attend Josh's cousin's wedding, but at the last minute I decided to attend the show. Even though I had attended a show of theirs back in February, I had to go to this one because Aleksandra (who plays keys, glockenspiel and sings) is leaving the band after this tour to go to college.

But more on that later.

We drove to Sammy's house in Brooklyn to pick up the tickets, when Sammy suddenly got the urge to show me "the real Brooklyn". Due to a large number of holidays spent in Brooklyn in the past, I had come to associate all of it with this religious Jewish vibe. Sammy assured me that there was much more to see, and we began the tour.

After passing by landmarks like Prospect Park and the BQE, we arrived in Williamsburg, or as I like to call it, Hipsterville. For those of you who have ever seen the website Look At This Fucking Hipster, you know what I mean. I couldn't resist rolling down the window several times and yelling "WAVVES!" to ironically disgruntled hipsters. We found parking and wandered into a music store called Earwax. I bought a No Age "Teen Creeps" 7-inch on delicious purple-red vinyl. We were getting pretty hungry so we headed to Fornino for pizza. It was delicious and slightly earthy, but the tiny pie we ordered couldn't justify the $9 price tag.

We drove up to the venue after eating and found parking. At the door, we finished our tea. As we were drinking and people-watching, a girl in a short patterned dress walked into the club. I thought it was the most appropriate attire I had ever seen for a Los Campesinos! show, which was ironic because the girl ended up being Harriet from Los Campesinos! Shame I didn't realize it was her. Also quite interesting how LC! shows have the recurring "band member walking in unrecognized" motif for me. The same thing had happened at the last show with Patrick from Titus Andronicus.

Once inside my first 18+ show, we wandered up to the stage where The Smith Westerns were finishing up their set. Not much that separated them from the pack, but they played well, had this really awkward innocence about them, and they didn't look a day over 18. They did have one really cool sounding song where the strobe lights really went crazy. Pretty soon they were off.

At this point in the show, I began to examine my "concert family", or the people I would be standing in close proximity with for the next three hours. Behind us was a large mobster-looking guy with a ponytail and his tiny leather jacket-clad buddy who laughed at all of our jokes. A long-haired Isaac Ash lookalike stood to the right. We also saw a guy who looked like Robby Tal from the side only. I turned around and saw a guy wearing a cool Tullycraft T-shirt.

Girls came onstage, and we were in for... something. The lead singer strapped on his high heels and proceeded to play something I could see pitchfork giving a 9.0 (not a compliment). They sauntered aimlessly through songs, borrowing heavily from artists. One song sounded so remarkably like "Sweet Caroline" that I actually got a chunk of the crowd to sing the "BUM BUM BUM" parts to generous laughter. One good thing about Girls was their closeness with the audience. We picked the setlist (not that any of us knew any Girls songs) and bantered endlessly before, during and after each song. At one point in the show, I said to the lead singer "Give me your hat." He paused, said, "Uh. Alright" and tossed the nondescript green cap to me. 

Besides for their bassist looking remarkably like Brad Garret, they were pretty unmemorable. The fact that they were trying so hard to be memorable was in fact counterproductive.

While waiting for LC!, we met a guy named Eric. He started telling us all about Dan Deacon and the Mets. We conversed about webcomics and body mass, and I deemed him the coolest person at the show.

As Los Campesinos! began to take the stage to set up and soundcheck, I yelled to Tom (who I knew was a big Pavement fan from the last show) "PLAY KENNEL DISTRICT!" He grinned from ear to ear and began noodling around and finding the chords to the song. Pretty soon, the band came on, and as expected they worked the crowd masterfully. People were shouting along with the group vocals, clapping in time, humming the synth lines... They ripped through about 2/5 of the setlist when they decided to play My Year In Lists, a crowd pleaser that really woke the audience up. 

After Lists, everyone was incredibly into the show. Little did I know, they were about to pull out the big guns. Now, whenever Los Campesinos! plays their biggest hit "You! Me! Dancing!" they play the intro of the Pavement version of Box Elder (Note the similarities). Before they began the song, Tom played the opening to the Pavement song Shady Lane, which I instantly recognized. I verbally expressed my approval, and yelled "AT&T" (ANOTHER Pavement Song). To my surprise, he started strumming the chords and I sang my heart out. You know how we Pavement fans are! :D

They started playing the Box Elder intro, and to unanimous approval they actually continued playing the entire song. Before you know it, You! Me! Dancing! had entered its famous buildup. Feeling inspired, I scurried up to the foot of the stage between Neil and Tom's monitors. Tapping on the Isaac Ash lookalike's shoulder, I asked for help to reach the stage. He boosted me up to the stage where I pulled myself into a standing position. I turned around to look at the crowd, jumped backward (1:30 into the video) and landed on the hands of a cheering crowd. I really wish I could find decent pictures because I saw some photographers aiming at me from the balcony.

So after my glorious stage dive, I had an abrupt landing on a frail Asian woman (Quite honestly, I don't know what the fuck she was doing there). I got up and waved the Girls hat around like a medal of honor and I was met by crazy applause by the surrounding crowd. I hustled back up to my spot at the stage and before long I was enjoying the song with Sammy again.

After the song ended, a fellow tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Boy, you sure got back here fast." But before I could reply, the band was playing another deliciously erratic jam.

Soon it was time for one of my favorite Los Campesinos! songs: Sweet Dreams, Sweet Cheeks. The song started off innocently enough, but around the second chorus Gareth slowly lowers himself into the crowd a la Arcade Fire and sings the song as rabid fans surround him. Oh yeah. And Neil was crowdsurfing on our hands and shredding the shit out of his guitar all at the same time. EPIC.

One of the coolest moments of the show was "Broken Heartbeats Sound Like Breakbeats". Tom jumped down DIRECTLY in front of us to play the song. And I mean the full song.

As you can see, this wonderful man was very close to us. So as he's standing in the crowd and playing, he suddenly notices Sammy's t-shirt. "Hey, Arrested Development!" Tom said approvingly. Sammy let out a squeal of joy and patted him on the back. Let me remind you that this was all happening midsong. So while Tom was shredding away, we took this time to pose in some relatively non-blurry photos. This is the best one we got:

Yes, that is an Analrapist shirt.

At this time, Tom's spot on stage was unattended so I tried my luck by pulling myself up onto the stage again. I hopped over the pedalboard at my feet, walked up to Aleks and began dancing (epileptic seizures would be an apt comparison to my excited dance style). I figured since she was leaving the band, I'd never have the chance to dance with her again. After all... it's you. It's me. And I was dancing. Naturally, she was a bit taken aback, as she was not expecting it. Neither was the bouncer who slowly emerged from the shadows. Not wanting my night to end prematurely, I hopped off of the stage and enjoyed the rest of the show. At the close of the song, I got her attention and screamed "We'll miss you!" and I could tell she would miss all of us even more.

But I think what happened after the show was the best part of the night. As we were walking to the merch table, several people noticed Sammy's Fünke shirt and commented that they were also big fans of the show. We spent the next half hour in line reciting jokes and references from the series with 12 diehard fans. Finally, I got to speak to Gareth. We shot the breeze easily, as he is an incredibly down-to-earth and warm lad. I told him of my sorrow of getting a blurry picture with him back in February (WARNING: CONTAINS AFRO), and needed a reshoot. It took six months, but I finally had gotten a good picture with one of my musical heroes.

Freakin' gorgeous man, isn't he? 

He signed my ticket stub and before I left, I talked to him about ATP. He told me that Knee Deep... is actually a true story which I thought was pretty cool. And I BEGGED him to try and get onto the ATP New York lineup. I also asked when he would be back in New York. He told me that their new album is due in January, and they should be back In January! I was excited by this, and news that Titus Andronicus had gone into the studio the day before to start recording their sophomore album. I bid Gareth goodbye with a handshake, counting the seconds until the next gig.

Walking out of the club, I bumped into Aleks. She overheard the conversation Sammy and I were having about missing the wedding, and laughed about it. I wanted to apologize for getting in her face while dancing and for getting on the stage and jumping and shit. But she wasn't upset. Her eyes got wide and she said "That was you??" She proceeded to tell me how cool it was and that Ellen had taken footage onstage of my ridiculous dancing. Apparently, the band went upstairs and watched it, and Ellen had imitated me. I was honored to be mocked by the great Campesinos! I handed Aleks my ticket stub, and she wrote:

"You are a dance master, apologize to your cousin for us. Love, Aleks"

Josh, sorry from the band.

We were being slowly pushed out of the club by the bouncers who wanted to close up, but Aleks convinced them to let us stay for another few minutes. I remarked on how the band was so down to earth when other bands treated their fans horribly. She responded by telling me that people are shit, and you have to really acknowledge the nice people you meet. Very wise advice. I also pestered her into going to ATP, so I really hope that it happens. I wished her much luck in school, and off I went.

Only after a quick stop at Duane Reade to purchase iced tea was I able to mutter weakly to Sammy, "I think that was the best concert I've ever been to."

Where it's at.

Tonight:

(500) Days of Summer with Ikey and Morris... uh... what's his last name? Idunnoe.

Tomorrow:

Kites for a cure. I hope there's an excellent turnout and I really hope it doesn't rain.

Josh is coming home soon, which I'm very excited for. By the looks of his blog, he's having a wonderful (albeit asthmatic) time.

The ocean officially sucks as of today. Jellyfish season is a bitch.

Holy fricking sex. Just a rumor for now, but Motherfucking PAVEMENT may reunite on ATP. Oh god oh please oh pretty please. (I hear they'll play Slanted in its entirety... oh, BTW. I bought Slanted on Vinyl. I've never noticed, but my vinyl collection has a recurring red album art theme.)

Seeing Titus Andronicus in a basement in Williamsburg. Sure to be sleazy and loud and raucous and awesome. I wouldn't see them any other way.

Getting paid on Monday. About time.

Had an enlightened conversation with Sian And Howard at Inkwell the other night. Also saw slam poetry there for the first time. Needless to say, I must take part.

And that's what's up.

Search random shit. Please.

I dare you.

It all started when Josh typed in the word 'penis' on the iTunes store. Haha, very funny of course. But we found a clip that would forever change our lives.

I have memorized every single word to this touching tribute to male genitals on the protagonist's mate's mother. It's actually a brilliantly wicked social commentary on Parliament, but don't tell anyone.

My search continued recently. Screwing around on YouTube the other day, I typed in "Fuck Shit". This came up:

Needless to say, a band of this caliber is second only to a band like Led Zeppelin.

What can you find?

Rain King

I really don't want to be sitting out here right now. Storm clouds keep brewing overhead, billowing gray blobs just ready to burst. But there is no rain. So here I sit.

I've just been working all summer. All I want to do is just drive around aimlessly, blasting music and getting lost. Isn't that what summer is for?

Currently craving- sushi
Currently Listening - "Stadiums and Shrines II" - Sunset Rubdown

Lake Somerset, or Why I Will Not Fall Asleep In A Room With A Turtle And Pizza

I almost forgot how terrified I am of this video.

Seriously, that is the most sinister looking turtle I've ever seen. From the second he awkwardly lumbers into the room with his flippers, I know I'm in for an uncomfortable viewing experience. When he begins wolfing down the pizza, and his soulless turtle eyes stare into mine, it is a situation unlike any other. 

This video will leave you scarred. Don't say I didn't warn you.

In which I Pwn BrokenCYDE Fans

It all started with Isaac Hoff, my awesome coworker. He had returned from the Warped Tour, complaining about some awful band called brokenCYDE (seriously, don't fucking click on that link unless you enjoy having your eardrums raped by four untalented douchebags who think crunk-core is the future of music). And if the band wasn't ridiculous enough, there is also a legitimate anti-brokenCYDE website led by concerned parents. It's a great read, and the hate mail they receive is posted on the site. Today, I will be dissecting the brilliant scriptures of a die-hard brokenCYDE fan. 

The letter is in red, and my replies are in yellow.

alright you old prunes, listen and listen good. 

a good way to get your audience's attention.

You have WAY more hate mail from fans of BrokenCYDE then you do for people supporting you. 

Obviously, dumbass. Why would they have hatemail from a supporter?

Ban BrokenCYDE?? how fucked up is you? 

I wasn't anticipating commenting on every sentence, but stupidity of this magnitude deserves special care. 

fer real? you're just jealous cause they don't talk about fucking old saggy ass prunes such as yourself. So STFU! like really.

Dude, of course! If brokenCYDE starts talking about saggy prunes like them, they will accept them with open arms.

 I'm pretty sure 50cent is 10, no A MILLION more times more sexual then brokencyde ever could be. 

Wrong.

And FYI ,sex and drugs have been out in the open for kids for a good while now.

Ok, first (probably only) relatively credible statement he's made.

 I myself FUCK while listening to brokencyde, MAKES SEX BETTER. 

First of all, the fact that you have a "fuck soundtrack" brings into question whether you are getting laid at all. And the only reason you think sex is better with brokenCYDE is because you can envision your sex partner as a man by closing your eyes and listening to the awful screams.

Quit blaming them, you're just using them as an excuse, for why you're kids hate you and rebel against you.

Now now, I'm sure her kids hate her for many other reasons :P

 I don't know if you've noticed, but by you talkin shit, BrokenCyde gets bigger, and bigger and bigger.

Alright, I hear that. All publicity, after all, is good publicity.

 All the bands that are out today involve sex drugs and rebelion n there songs at least once. 

False. While this is a common theme, it is definitely not ALL BANDS.

Where not old pooch bags like you are, and we don't listen to fuckin classical music shit anymore, we listen to what's true, and have the shit brokencyde is spittin, is true.

Classical music? Are you fucking serious? I doubt that Beethoven is the only musical alternative to brokenCYDE.

Come to think of it, if they were listening to Beethoven they would be one step ahead of you because his compositions actually required talent to produce.

 Look for the fucking meaning behind the lyrics, Quit judging these guys, and i bet you've actually never held conversation with them, I on the other hand have. SWEETEST MOTHER FUCKERS I'VE EVER MET.

Can't say I've met them. But the following lyrics have no "deep meaning" whatsoever. You basically confirm your mental retardation by even claiming that they do:

Get krunk, get drunk, get fucked up. Throw your hands in the air, that's whats up. Now pass me the forty girl. I need to get drunk before it's over girl! So don't you take this drink from me. I will knock you down on your knees. And make you lick my penis up and down, up and down...

... yeah.

 And i've been to a BC13 show, there were no naked hoes on stage. So you just lied assfucks. 

Well, sir, you've wasted your money.

They have more class then you think, Just because their songs are dirty doesn't mean jack shit. So why don't you start a knitting circle? instead of this ANTI brokencyde thing yu got goin, because no one, adn i mean NO ONE, is going to sign a lame ass potition to get them banned from wharped tour. 

Mothers against brokenCYDE, you have your first signature right here.

And a knitting circle? REALLY?

What the fuck is that shit? i should fuckin jizz in you're face!

You should have said 'your'. You sound like an uneducated prick. Which you probably are, so that's fitting.

 god damn. This is why i hate mothers and old people, because they've got nothing better to do with their time, and they think they can play off fucking up their kids by dissin on a band that speaks of "naughty" things.

Your stupidity is simply inspiring. 

Mothers and "old people" have been listening to naughty things before you were even born. Ever heard of the '60s? (and no, I don't know your age. but given your taste in music and your single digit IQ level, you can't be older than 14.)

 Quit you're bitching, let you're kids listen to them if they want, you dont have to fucking listen to it. Why can't you be cool like MY mom and actually listen to them?

... But don't you hate mothers? And i doubt your mother likes them. I'm honestly surprised anyone likes them.

 fuck you, and fuck you're website. ONE TWO WERE COMING FOR YOU THREE FOUR LOCK THE DOOR FIVE SIX SUCK ON MY DICK BROKENCYDE WIT=LL NEVER DIE oooooo bitch got served

Uh, nope. Not served. In fact, you have confirmed the problem this group is dealing with. Stupid, impressionable jackasses like you can't think for themselves and need other idiots telling them to drink and fornicate like farm animals. You sicken me and your death would only be an asset to future civilizations.

Comments welcome. I can take you all on.

Daily Routine

...is what I want to turn this blog into...

I keep reading Josh's and I'm loving it. And then I realize why he remembers so much more shit than I do.

Hmm, let's start with me.

My car finally went in for service and it should be done soon so I might be able to open my window by the end of the week. Got a lot of new music, and a whopping "movies to watch list" that I want to burn through. My favorite obsession lately is Arrested Development. What a show. In an endless quest to customize my clothing, I tied a neon green shoelace to my trusty black jeans.

Summer's good so far, but not yet great. Too bad it's over soon.

And I still have to talk to my mom about ATP. I hope that goes down alright.